Marriage has been one of the
greatest things in my life so far. Hopefully everyone that has ever been
married says those words, especially during the first few months. But marriage
really has exceeded my expectations of happiness in simple, daily life. The key
to doing that though is to not have expectations.
Living together has been
relatively easy. I already had my computer at Courtney’s apartment before we
got married, and I really spent most every waking hour with her before we even
got engaged. I slept at my house, and occasionally would hang out with my
roommates at home, but most of my time was spent with the love of my life. My
time spent with her has only increased since marriage. I don’t have to drive
home every night; I don’t have to get entirely ready for the day wondering in
the back of my mind if she has even decided to wake up yet. My goodbyes have changed to goodnights.
Moving all of my belongings has
not been a burden either. Since we are leaving for China so soon after our
marriage, most of my things get to stay in boxes in our new apartment. It’s
really the only way all of my books fit into the apartment anyway, and aside
from books and clothes I don’t have a lot of material possessions. Most
everything I had fit into the apartment easily and didn’t take up too much more
of our apartment’s space. Having an extra room has been a big blessing in that
we can just shove anything we’re not going to use in the next few months in
that room and not worry about it cluttering up our living space.
One of the hardest parts of
marriage has been simply accepting the responsibility of the place I’m living
at now. Having Courtney live there for an entire year beforehand, and not
knowing that I would eventually call this apartment my own, has lead me to
still see it as her space. Yes, I essentially spent every waking moment there
when we were not married anyway, but I still was not responsible for paying the
bills, vacuuming the floors, or (Courtney would argue differently) doing the
dishes. Now that I do reside within these walls, but my belongings have hardly
changed the character of the apartment, and now I have to take care of
everything. And honestly, living in a bachelor pad for the last 5 years has not
heightened my sense of the hygienic.
Honestly the most difficult
aspect of being married is remembering to truly spend time alone with God. Even
when Courtney and I were only dating, I loved to spend as much time as I could
with her. And of course through the engagement and now into marriage, every moment
I could be in her presence, whether in the same room or on the phone, was
greedily grabbed up anytime the opportunity reared its head. But I still had
time alone. When we were not married, I could go home and read my bible in the
quiet of the house, when my roommates were asleep and TVs were off. Now that I
spend literally every moment with her some days, I forget that there is someone
else who loves me even more than she does. I do get to know God better through
Courtney, and marrying her has strengthened my knowledge of what God does to
love me, but I find myself neglecting simple spiritual disciplines, like
praying or reading the Bible, to spend time with her. In fact, spending so much
time with Courtney, directing my most creative and energetic moments to showing
how much I love her and cherish her, has diminished my quiet time with God.
I am still struggling with this
in marriage. Don’t get the wrong idea; I do get to see God work through her to
show his love for me, but Courtney is still a human being. I love getting help
from her, having her listen to my struggles and emotions, but she will never
compare to the glory of getting to know God. It’s funny how, no matter where
you are in life, reading God’s word and praying are two things that are so easily
trivialized, and yet so essential to our very being.
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